The other day, my class was finishing up their last assignment for the day, when I had one student who was refusing to do anything. They were struggling with being focused and having a good attitude. In fact, he was sitting at his table, head down, and loudly rubbing a piece of paper on the floor with his foot. I told him, “Please, stop,” and every time I did, he would do it louder. I gave him another chance to stop, and he again just did it louder. Finally, I asked him to leave my classroom for being disrespectful and disruptive. He stayed sitting for another minute, shot up out of his chair, flipped me off, said that he didn’t give a “F*ck”, and when he reached the door turned to me and said, “Go f*ck yourself.” It was at this moment, I walked into the hallway and escorted the young man to the office.
I was livid, to say the least. The amount of utter disrespect that was shown was infuriating. However, this was not the first time I have been cussed at by a student. It was the first time I was told to go “F myself.” The language didn’t really bother me. What bothered me was the disrespect that was displayed in front of the rest of the class, and the fact that it turned verbally abusive. I wanted to react aggressively and share what was going through my mind, but that would have made the situation worse. I wanted to yell at the kid and tell him all the ways he was wrong, but that wouldn’t have done any good either. Instead, I walked into the hallway, told him to follow me, and when he asked why, I told him, “Because I’m getting you suspended.” What I should have done was take a breath, shut my mouth, and just escort the boy to the office.
Most people don’t realize what teachers deal with on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis during school. Most people think we have a pretty cush job with having two and a half months off in the summer. Most people think teachers don’t have to deal with blatant disrespect, heinous obscenities, and at times threats and actual physical harm and violence. The reality is that teachers have to deal with all of that and more throughout the school year. What makes it even more frustrating is that teachers have very little power to actually deal with these types of behaviors and issues.
Teaching is one of the highest stress filled jobs in the U.S.. According to a study conducted by Pennsylvania State University and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, “46% of teachers report high daily stress during the school year. That’s tied with nurses for the highest rate among all occupational groups.” The study also states, “Teaching is one of the most stressful occupations in the U.S. High levels of stress are affecting teacher health and well-being, causing teacher burnout, lack of engagement, job dissatisfaction, poor performance, and some of the highest turnover rates ever.” Teaching is not easy, it’s not a cush job, and it will stretch even the greatest of teachers from time to time.
We teachers and administrators need to remember to focus on those things we can control, and the most significant thing we can control is ourselves. It is important to learn the art of detaching. As a teacher with 10+ years in the classroom, I have learned the power of detaching my self from student and parent issues. I have learned to not take things personally. I have learned that the only real thing I can control is myself, my actions, and my words. Please don’t get me wrong, I make plenty of mistakes and don’t always get it right, but the more I learn the art of detaching the better I get at it. The best way to detach yourself from stressful situations is to take a step back and just breathe. Remember that the only person you can control is yourself, and the last thing you want to do is put your integrity and character in question. Mentally detach from the stress and react in a way that leaves your integrity intact.
The young man at the beginning of the story was given one day of in-school suspension. It wasn’t until much later that I got an apology for what he said. However, expecting an apology was pointless and beyond my control. I decided that my actions and my response toward him is what I needed to focus on. When I saw him the day of his in-school suspension, I gave him a big hug and asked if he was having a good day. He gave me a hug back and told me he was. I could have held a grudge, put a wall between him and I, and kept him at arms distance, but that would have worsened the situation, and it wouldn’t have been the right thing to do. That young man needed grace and love, which means I needed to take a breath, detach, and wrap him in a hug.
Take a breath, learn to detach, and don’t give up! You got this!
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